You are an active Mormon and you support what?!

LGBT issues have flooded our headlines and Facebook feeds lately.  We all have our opinions and convictions where they are concerned.  I have made it known that I support LGBT rights and consider myself an ally to the community.  I am also an active Mormon.  How do those two fit?  I have found over time that these don't have to be mutually exclusive titles, and that one does not have to live in a state of cognitive dissonance to accept both. 

I must start with the Mormon side of me.  I am third and fourth generation Mormon, coming from a long line of European ancestors who joined the church abroad and came to Utah to be with the saints.  For those who grew up this deeply in Mormonism, you will understand when I say that it is not just a religion.  It is in our DNA.  We eat, sleep, think, and live the church.  Some may not like that idea, but it is no different from many other religious traditions through the generations in our world.  I love the values of family, faith, service, honesty, humility, and love through the gospel of Jesus Christ taught in the church among many others.  I was taught that I was a daughter of God, a special spirit with much to offer.  To describe who I am is impossible without Mormonism being at the center.  I love being able to move to a new place and instantly have an extended family of ward members there to welcome and make me one of their own.  I served a mission in Finland for 18 months when I was 21.  I learned so much about service, patience, love, and understanding and it helped me gain a maturity that wouldn't have come as easily without that experience.  We often say a Mormon leaves on their mission as a boy/girl and comes back a man/woman.  It was true for me.

Now to the LGBT ally side.  When I met my husband more than 20 years ago, I was pretty much apolitical.  I did not know anything about politics, let alone be able to make a decision about where I stood on political issues.  I voted Republican in my first election in 1988 because that is what my family did, so I followed suit.  My husband Dallas on the other hand, was born in Washington D.C., and raised by a very politically active family.  His father worked on Capitol Hill for 30 years as a Democrat in administration in the House of Representatives. Dallas worked a summer in the House of Representatives' mail room and his brother spent a summer as an intern on Capitol Hill.  When the president of the United States gave his State of Union Address, Dallas' dad could often be seen sitting behind the president off to the side.  Dallas was a registered Democrat and his major in college was political science.  Yes, I was in for a political education. 

Dallas never once tried to "convert" me to being a Democrat, in fact, I think we balanced each other to the middle very well.  Anyone who knows Dallas knows his vast knowledge of politics and his uncanny memory for names, dates, and facts.  He is fair to both sides of the argument and acknowledges good points on each side.  I remember we just could not decide who to vote for in the 2000 presidential election. I loved the fact that many high profile Mormons and Mormon leaders were Democrats and that being Mormon and liberal were not mutually exclusive things.  One thing I also liked as a moderate was that the church always had a statement read in church meetings prior to major elections stating that the church took no stand politically and left those decisions up to members.  That was until elections dealing with the legality of same sex marriage.  I was blown away when, in a meeting in the mid to late 2000s, a statement was read prior to an election that had an item to be voted on regarding same sex marriage.  We were urged to vote against these types of unions and told that they were dangerous to the family and society in general.  I remember sitting there dumbfounded.  Then came Prop 8.

Proposition 8 in California was a proposition to overturn a previous ruling that banning same sex marriages was unconstitutional.  The church went all in funding and encouraging this one and received a lot of negative press as a result.  I still couldn't believe what was happening.  How could we get this involved?  It just didn't seem right.  Seeing protestors outside of LDS temples after it passed made me physically ill.  I knew that this was going to be bad for the church.  Many people did leave the church over its involvement in Prop 8.  I knew I was upset about the church's involvement, but I really hadn't formed an opinion about homosexuality in general at that time.  I was raised to believe that it was a disorder not unlike OCD or schizophrenia and that while I believed they were born that way, I thought it could be controlled like OCD or schizophrenia.  Then I began to talk to and read about people who were or close to LGBT folks and my education really began.

One person who I am close to who had had a very close relationship with a gay man related her experience to me.  He was a member of the church and was counseled by authorities high up in the church in Salt Lake City to help him overcome his same sex attraction.  The things he was counseled to do were mindboggling to me and after years of trying through means offered to him through religious counseling to no avail, he finally left the church.  I began to read or hear story after story like this.  When I heard the story of Stuart Matis, I was in tears.  These people were being told that even though we love you, everything that you are and that you have been as long as you can remember is an abomination to God.  Just don't act on it and you will be ok.  If someone told me that my attraction to men was not natural and that I would be fine as long as I didn't act on it or if I would just marry another woman, I would be crushed.  No wonder so many felt like suicide was their only option. Another startling thing I learned was that 40% of homeless youth in Utah identified themselves as LGBT. It was then that I realized that there is a serious problem here and that I needed to do more research in order to truly understand.

A recent survey was conducted of 1,612 LGBT Mormons by folks associated with Utah State University and BYU.  What the results showed was that of the folks surveyed- 1.They knew they had same sex attraction at a very young age and didn't choose this.  In fact, most of the accounts of others I have heard or read stated that they would have done anything to change it. 2. It doesn't go away even with religious guidance and counseling.  In fact, the vast majority said that their attempts to manage or change their sexuality were negative or damaging to them. 3. Those who entered mixed orientation marriages had a divorce rate around 75%.  4. Those who chose to lead a celibate lifestyle reported very low quality of life ratings.  5. BUT, those who did enter legal same sex marriages reported very high quality of life ratings. 

Ok so, many are thinking now that leaders of the church have openly stated that the church, while teaching tolerance, absolutely does not condone same sex marriage or the gay lifestyle.  Well to that I say that I just look to things that have happened in the past that give me hope.  I was taught all my life and many church leaders also taught that blackness of skin was a curse for disobedience in the pre-earth life.  In fact there are scriptures in the Book of Mormon (2 Nephi 5:21, Jacob 3:8, 3 Nephi 2:15) referencing such a curse.  It was also taught by leaders that inter-racial marriages were wrong. The church has recently however released an essay about blacks and the priesthood which contains the following statement : "Today, the Church disavows the theories advanced in the past that black skin is a sign of divine disfavor or curse, or that it reflects actions in a pre-mortal life; that mixed-race marriages are a sin; or that blacks or people of any other race or ethnicity are inferior in any way to anyone else. Church leaders today unequivocally condemn all racism, past and present, in any form." The church has also changed policies and teachings by leaders about contraception and polygamy among others.  I choose to hope that as more is learned about being LGBT, that more understanding will open the door to more acceptance.  This quote regarding whether church member can be in favor of same sex marriage by Thomas S. Monson the president of the church also shows that there is room here for disagreement: "depends on what the disagreement is.  If it's an apostasy situation, that would not be appropriate.  If it's something political, there is room for opinion here and there on either side." - Deseret News Feb. 4, 2008  Many high profile members of the church in good standing are also in favor of same sex marriage.  Among them are former 49ers quarterback Steve Young and his wife, senate majority leader Harry Reid, and even Glenn Beck.

One last thing- the reason I take this stance and do so at the risk of being rejected by those who belong to the same church as me, is only out of love and compassion for a population that is hurting.  Isn't that what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about?  I received a message from a dear LDS friend saying that I was in danger of "losing my salvation" by supporting LGBT rights.  I find it hard to believe that I will be kept out of heaven because of my support of  LGBT rights.  That is not the loving God I know.  I know that not all of my family members agree with my support of this issue either.  To that I say, family is my priority.  I am not a perfect wife, mother, daughter, person, but I do my best to live and teach my children to live in a way that will bring joy and make the world a better place.  I know many people in my family who hold views I don't agree with but that doesn't change my love for or my relationship with them.  I hope to show my children that we are all our own people and decisions to believe in a certain thing are personal.  I would never force my children to believe as I do.  I would offer them information and encourage them to seek knowledge so that they can form their own opinions.  Whatever opinions they choose, I respect that.  We are still family and we can still love one another, support one another, and have a peaceful loving existence together.  I also believe in being honest with my children in an appropriate way and at an appropriate age about my beliefs.  I would hope that they would believe that they could be honest with me as well and know that I will love them unconditionally.

If you are reading this and you're thinking- "Well what about the Bible?"- I think this is absolutely the best interpretation of homosexuality and the Bible I have ever read.  I loved everything this guy said.  Give it a look. One of my favorite parts was this:

"Morton Kelsey goes so far as to argue that homosexual orientation has nothing to do with morality, any more than left-handedness does. It is simply the way some people’s sexuality is configured. Morality enters the picture when that predisposition is enacted. If we saw it as a God-given gift to those for whom it is normal, we could get beyond the acrimony and brutality that have so often characterized the unchristian behavior of Christians toward gays. Approached from the point of view of love rather than that of law, the issue is at once transformed. Now the question is not “What is permitted?”, but, rather, “What does it mean to love my homosexual neighbor?” Approached from the point of view of faith rather than works, the question ceases to be “What constitutes a breach of divine law in the sexual realm?”, and becomes, instead, “What constitutes integrity before the God revealed in the cosmic lover, Jesus Christ?” Approached from the point of view of the Spirit rather than the letter, the question ceases to be “What does Scripture command?”, and becomes “What is the Word that the Spirit speaks to the churches now, in the light of Scripture, tradition, theology, and, yes, psychology, genetics, anthropology, and biology? We can’t continue to build ethics on the basis of bad science. In a little-remembered statement, Jesus said, “Why do you not judge for yourselves what is right?” (Luke 12:57). Such sovereign freedom strikes terror in the hearts of many Christians’; they would rather be under law and be told what is right. Yet Paul himself echoes Jesus’ sentiment when he says, “Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, matters pertaining to this life!” (1 Cor. 6:3 RSV). The last thing Paul would want is for people to respond to his ethical advice as a new law engraved on tablets of stone. He is himself trying to “judge for himself what is right.” If now new evidence is in on the phenomenon of homosexuality, are we not obligated - no, free — to reevaluate the whole issue in the light of all the available data and decide what is right, under God, for ourselves? Is this not the radical freedom for obedience in which the gospel establishes us?"

New addition: 1/23/14  I just read this great blog post by another active Mormon woman explaining why she supports same sex marriage.  I liked it so much I wanted to add the link here and include my favorite part.  In its conclusion she states:

"But, concerning gays who don’t choose to live in those ways(celibate or mixed orientation marriage): When I think of what I have, and how sacred is my right to live in a way I feel is right and to pursue my idea of happiness, I feel that I cannot in good conscience tell two consenting adults (and, by the way, I think those two words alone sufficiently shut-down every sick comparison some like to make between being in a same-sex relationship and bestiality or pedophilia) that they can't have the kind of companionship and government protection my relationship enjoys.

How could I, without forcing on anyone my personal beliefs, deny any adult the opportunity to make legal commitments to another adult with whom they have found belonging, compatibility and sexual attraction: the things most of us heterosexuals spend our lives looking for, crying over, singing about and (if we find it) rejoicing in?So. In the end, I feel that it is because of and not despite my beliefs as a Mormon that I fully support gay marriage."

 

So to end on a positive and hopeful note, I humbly submit my story to you and say that my convictions come from one place - love.
Jennie
Here are a few links to fantastic entries about Mormon LGBT allies:  One beautiful ally story , positive moments from 2013 in the Mormon LGBT community , one Mormon's journey to becoming an ally  Can a Mormon support same sex marriage and get a temple recommend?  Oh my heck I love Rob Thomas!

All the little good things

I am realizing lately that it is all the little good things about our lives that we let slip by and that we need to recognize and give thanks for them. I have been noticing a few lately and I need to write them down so I don't forget them!

I love that Izzy doesn't let all of the fur, ear, and tail pulling make her not love Grace. Grace is still the first person she takes her squeak toy to to throw. She jumps on and covers her with doggie kisses and tail wags when she comes home from school even though Grace greets her with a tug or slap. I love the unconditional love of a dog.

I love that my girls like reading with me. My favorite Friday night activity is to snuggle in bed with them and read until they fall asleep. Then we can walk them up to bed. Those are the times I will remember and miss when I can't have them any more. I also love seeing them discover a book they love that I love and we can gush about it together.

I love that when I have quiet time after reading scrips and saying prayers that I get little reminders that come into my head. Those are the times I can hear the Spirit tell me the things my noisy life doesn't let me hear during the course of my crazy days.

I love learning new facts or interesting things about history. Taking Western Civ has been so great so I can relearn with new eyes and learn new things that I never knew. Those that came before us went through so much so we could have what we do.

I love that we live near so much family. I love having Saturday lunch with my mom and my family and that we have Sunday dinner with Dallas' family almost every week. I wouldn't give that up for anything.

I love Texas. I love the barbeque, the hill country, the bats in Austin, the whole city of Austin, I love DFW, but esp FW, I love all my favorite restaurants in the area (Joe T's especially), I love our little towns of Roanoke and Trophy Club, and so many other little things about this state. I am a naturalized citizen of 24 years this summer!

I love being able to tell my husband anything and everything and having common interests and views on life. I can vent and he understands.

I will write more as I think of them...
Good night!

An Historic Day

Political material ahead.....


I can't believe it has been almost a year since I posted last. This entry will be short though. Today our government is voting on health care reform. It is an historic day. I wish I could post this on my facebook status, but I can't because of the upset responses this would receive. I think it is sad that I would get that response and here is why.

I am not a democrat or a republican as I have said, but I am in favor of health care reform.

This is what I am dying to say. It is short and simple.
Many clamored that it was the end of America and the road to ruin in 1935 with Social Security. I wasn't. They said the same in 1965 with Medicare. It wasn't. They said the same in 1993 with Bill Clinton's budget proposal. It wasn't. In fact, we all know many people (a lot who are against health care reform) who benefit from Social Security and Medicare or Medicaid. I am one who benefits from Medicaid for Gracie. Look what that horrible budget proposal of Clinton's did for our economy. We had the first budget surplus in many years.

That is my point. America will still be here tomorrow. We will still be free. We will still love our country and life will go on and 34 million more Americans will have health care soon than do now. Some members of our government will lose their seats at the next election because of their vote today. Just like Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky (look her up and read her story on wiki) did. But they are heroes in my eyes.

God Bless America.

It's about time!!!!!!

I have been ignoring my poor blog and so I will post something. I just emptied my micro sd card in my phone and found a bunch of fun pics I forgot about. I will post them for fun here.



This is Grace during her latest EEG. It is so sad to see her hooked up like a piece of electronic equipment. She has had many EEGs over the years, and never once could we get her to fall asleep until this last one. She slept almost the whole time and she wasn't even required to be sleep deprived for this one!





Here are McKay and Alexa on Easter this year. They are getting so big. I guess that means I am getting old...



















This is McKay and Alexa at the movies when we went to see Wall-e. I don't know, I think Wall-e is looking like he is not too into this photo shoot....
















This is a pic of the snow day we had in March of 2008. Yes, that is right folks, I said March. In Texas. We had a few inches even! The kids had a blast. This was outside the apartment we stayed in while we were building our house.
















Here is Alexa going to a birthday party in a limo the mom rented. They met outside the school and went to see Igor at the movies. They were so excited about the limo, they couldn't concentrate on the movie and asked to leave early so they could drive around in the limo some more! Divas. :-)














Grace does horse therapy and the therapy place had a fun Christmas party this past year. They had Santa ride in on a donkey instead of a reindeer. This is Texas you know, and the reindeer don't quite dig the climate here. The donkey's name is Chuy and if you ask me, he is giving Rudolph a run for his money....













We went to the wax museum and it was so dark (and my lame phone has no flash) that this is the only pic that really turned out. Alexa and Tiger had a good time on the putting green...

















Both girls got into the school district's art show this year and here is Alexa's submission. Only about 30 kids from the entire school of about 600 get into the district show!


















Here is McKay's mosaic of Marilyn Monroe. I saw it in the hall at school and said to myself that it was the best one in the grade not even knowing it was my own daughter's!
















The principal and one of the fifth grade teachers at the girls' school promised that if all the 5th graders in the school passed the TAKS test, they would spend 24 hours on the school roof. Well they did it and even pulled in impressive enough scores that the school was rated exemplary again this year! We went to visit the teachers and principal up on the roof that evening- a lot teachers spent at least some time up there, while the principal and the one original teacher spent the whole time. I think they were partying all night......
They even got on the news!


Cleaning all of these pics was fun. I forgot how many things I got on there.
We are off to Finland next week...I will have to post about that amazing experience when we get back!

Am I weird?

I have been thinking about something funny lately and I just had to write about it. It has also been a crazy long time since I updated my blog, so I thought this would be a good subject.

Ok, here goes: I wonder if I am weird. I wonder if all moms of kids with special needs get to this point or if I am in the minority.
I feel like my life is completely normal now. I don't see Grace the way I used to. This might be a good thing and it might be a bad thing.
When we were first figuring out that something was wrong when Grace was not meeting her milestones, I had this crushing feeling that I would never have my old life back again. It took me a long time to even come to grips with the huge task we had been given as parents of a special needs child. In my earlier posts about our journey with Grace, I go into greater detail about this. It took me several years to get back my love of extracurricular activities and even a desire to cook dinner. When I found my circle of friends on the internet who were going through the same thing I was, the window to a new life was opened.
Grace is 6 now, and so many things have changed. She attends school full day and is one of the most popular students in school. She scoots around the house on her bottom, exploring and giving a book to be read to anyone she can find. She has about 6 different laughs, and each one sends all of us into fits of laughter because of how silly they are. Her newest is what we have dubbed her hyperventilation laugh where she breaths in and out in a laugh quickly. She will put her arms up to be picked up and snuggle with her head on your shoulder. This is not what a typical 6 year old would be doing, but it is our "new normal" as I have called it previously.
Which leads us to my point...(you were wondering when I was getting to that weren't you?) I don't feel that my life is lacking in any way. I do not mourn for what she cannot do anymore. When I see other 6 year olds, I don't feel sad like I used to. I am not obsessed with therapy as I once was, but therapy is just a way of life now. She gets to go ride a horse every other week, and visits the ot and speech therapists once a week. If she has a day where she won't cooperate with the therapist, I am not devastated and worry that she will never "get it". If she never talks, I am fine with that. If she never walks, I am fine with that (although I do have faith that she will do both). It is kind of like hope for the best but accept the worst kind of thing. The silly thing is though that I don't see the worst as the worst, just Grace.
I do have a mixture of anxiety and resolve when it comes to the far future though.

What will it be like to have an adult child that stays with you forever? We have read so many stories of others who have made the best of this situation with great amounts of skill and preparation. One boy on my list is in his twenties, owns his own home and has a staff of wonderful caregivers 24/7. This is what I hope for Grace's future. She can have a happy fulfilling life as a part of society, and we can make that happen. I was so worried that I would lose the time alone with my husband that many couples look forward to after their children have left home, but now I know that we can have that time if we prepare well.

One thing that has been an adjustment is having caregivers be a part of the family. Jenny is our respite caregiver now, and has been for a year and a half. At first it was hard to give up my total control over Grace's care. Now that Jenny knows Grace's needs and I know that she cares for her, I can relax and let go of some of that control.

There will be difficulties ahead, and I am not naive to that. Puberty will surely bring many new challenges, but just as we have conquered past challenges, we will conquer the new ones.

So back to my question...am I weird to not see my family's differences? Am I weird to not long for the typical child as I used to? Am I weird to be completely satisfied with a child who falls far short of typical? Is it wrong to not be so obsessed with therapy and trying doggedly until Grace meets the next milestone? I have to admit that I secretly laugh inside when a worried mom obsesses about her child who is 13 mos old and not walking yet, or 3 and only saying a few words. I feel like screaming---everything will be fine! I wish someone would have screamed that at me...or maybe not. I think that is something you have to come to find out on your own, whether your child catches up or not. I will continue to give her challenges to meet and goals to achieve, but I won't blame myself and stress about it if she doesn't meet them either now or later. She continues to surprise us. Just when we think she will never "get it" she will suddenly start doing it. I don't underestimate her abilities, and I am accepting of whatever she will never do.

She has done nothing but make our family better and the people around her better. What more can we ask for?

Terrorists, socialists, and anti-christs...oh my!

WARNING: political content ahead!
I am not a democrat. I am not a republican. I am on the fence in the middle. I look over the fence onto both sides. I have things I like in both yards. One yard is not better than the other yard, just soo different. I have been in both yards to picnics and cook outs and the crowds are so different. For this most recent cook out I have chosen the yard on the left. The yard on the right is a good yard with a host who has many of the same ideals as I do, but the host in the left yard is speaking to my heart a little more the the other.
Enough of the yard analogy, it makes me tired. Ok, so I voted for Barack Obama. I feel strongly that he is what our country needs right now. I can't believe how divisive this campaign has been. I have been wary of sharing my decision with those around me as most of them voted for John McCain. Why should I be afraid to share my views? All I have to say is this: Most of my friends are conservative. I feel alone not being able to shout my joy at the outcome of this election so far. I want to shout to them that they have no need to worry and that the world is NOT going to hell in a hand basket because Obama won. I want them to know that the economy and stock market have performed better in the past 60 years under democratic leadership. That is a fact. I want to remind them that they were this sad when Clinton won in 92 but no one was complaining in 2000 about our great economic status when he left office......
I like to say...by their fruits ye shall know them! Look at the state of our country at the end of Bush's 8 years. Quite a contrast.
I do have to say I got tears in my eyes just listening to McCain's concession speech. I believe he is a good man who gave in to the party who pushed him farther into negativity in his campaign.
(as well as a strange pick for vp)- I won't even go there. Africa is a continent honey...
I can't even listen to Obama's acceptance speech without crying.
Just as McCain is a good man, so is Barack. He loves this country. He does not want to bring socialism to us. He is not a Muslim, he is not a terrorist, he is not an Arab. He is definitely not the anti-christ. And even more sadly so, who cares if he were a Muslim. There are lots of very patriotic and peaceful American Muslims. Aren't we saying to every young Muslim child out there, you can never be president of the country you love? I applauded McCain when he defended Obama in the town hall meeting from the crazy rants of a woman claiming him to be an Arab. That is the McCain I know and love from the past.
As much as you want to privatize things and keep government small, I say that that would be great in a perfect world, but no one is stepping up to do it the right way.
I am the mother of a severely disabled child, and through many years of researching help offered to parents of kids with disabilities, it is unfortunately the blue states that far surpass the red ones with that kind of help. Some kind hearted soul with lots of money should step up and privatize these benefits but they are not. The government is the only place we can turn to.
Obama is not coming to steal your money. MOST of us do not make more than 250,000. I wish I did so I could pay my extra 3%. I could afford it. Those who were taxed more under Clinton didn't complain because they were raking in way more than they were being taxed in a thriving economy. Remember?
These are the main reasons I chose not to vote for McCain. I am conservative in some ways- I do not support abortion, but if my daughter or I were raped or the victim of incest or had a life threatening condition, I would want to be able to make that choice prayerfully. Our church does teach this by the way. Those are the only times I would even think of making that choice. If I am to make that choice in those situations, abortion would have to be available. I do think it is a horrible thing in any other instance and maybe even not an option in the situations I described, but I would want to be able to make that choice.

Ok I am off my soap box now.

All I have to say is I feel hopeful for the future. The world is looking at us in a different and more positive light. A good change is coming and I am supporting my president.
I think hope did win on Tuesday.
Don't hate me for thinking that.

OH, and one last thing. Just because I am LDS does not mean that I have to vote republican. I LOVE when the letter from the leadership of the church is read in sacrament meeting stating that they do not affiliate with any political party or candidate. There are good eternal principles in the ideology on both sides. I am sickened and saddened by the stories of other LDS folks who have chosen the way I have and have been shunned in their church community. Shame on those who behave that way. That is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ in action......

The economyyyyyyy.........wow

I was just watching everyone's favorite Suze Orman talk about the dive in the economy. This is an amazing event and our childrens' children will talk about this in school someday. I know that not all of you are members of our church, and I am not preaching here, but man I just had the most amazing moment. I thought of a conference address that was referenced by one of our local leaders just about a month ago. President Hinckley gave a talk to the church and said that even though he was not forecasting anything catastrophic, he told us all that he was very impressed to tell all of us to get our houses in order. The church has always taught self sufficiency. No debt, a years supply of food, a 72 hour disaster preparedness kit, and at least 6 months salary in savings. This address was a couple of years ago. If we were doing what he asked us all to do, this turn of events in the economy would not have had the impact on us that it is having on so many. I have to say that I was so impressed that what he was saying was true.
I am feeling thankful that we have heeded this advice for the most part, and while we have some work to do, I am grateful that we are not in worse shape.
I had to write this down because it hit me so strongly. If everyone had followed this counsel, there would not be a crisis like this to even be talking about. What an amazing time we are living in.......